We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
