dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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