Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
