you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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