those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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