So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The power of my boobs compel you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
