No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
