I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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