I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
