Don't make out with my wife yet
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
