I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
