i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
