I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
