12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
