I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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