you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
