I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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