oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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