Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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