i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
