Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want her autograph on my taint
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
