god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
