dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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