new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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