apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
