Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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