make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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