I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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