It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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