When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
