So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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