therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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