chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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