i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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