I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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