if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
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On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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