hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
