Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
