don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize