she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this boner is exhausting
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
