dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
