I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
