He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
