i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
