from now on my penis is your penis
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
