Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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