You work out of a Hotel?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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