On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
