the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
