i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When did angry sex become our thing?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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