i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
