can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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