I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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