He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
