i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you inspire me to be a worse person
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
