I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
