If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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