She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
