Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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