Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
