The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
