This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
