Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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