hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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