I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
