the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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