I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
