hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
