i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
