would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
