We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
