dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
