i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Two words: blizzard sex
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
