YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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