He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
