I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize